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« How Are You? | Main | Who is Your Teacher? »

Interfaith Wedding Vows

Posted on July 01, 2004 in personal.

In June of 2004, when Guri and I decided to get married, we came up with seven reasons to get married. On the first day of the seventh month, day before Guru Purnima, we participated in an interfaith blessing ceremony -- 9 faiths, including athiest! -- at the Berkeley Buddhist monastery, where we publicly shared those vows:

  • Do you, Nipun and Guri, pledge to help each other in developing your hearts and minds, cultivating compassion, generosity, ethics, patience, enthusiasm, concentration and wisdom, as you age and undergo the various ups and downs of life, and to transform them into the path of love, compassion, joy and equanimity? Do you pledge to grow in dharma?

  • Do you pledge to support each other's journey, to continually shine light on each other's virtue, and support individual intuitions, even when it doesn't directly benefit yourself? Do you pledge to reinforce and complement each other's virtue?

  • Understanding that just as we are a mystery to ourselves, each person is also a mystery to us. Do you pledge to seek to understand yourselves, each other, and all living beings, to examine your own minds continually and to regard all the mysteries of life with openness and joy? Do you pledge to trust the inexplicable ways of the universe?

  • Do you pledge to work for the welfare of others, with all of your compassion, wisdom, and skill? Do you pledge to remember the harmfulness of ignorance, anger and clinging attachment, to apply antidotes when these arise in your minds, to recall the kindness of all other beings and your connection to them? Do you pledge to be an instrument of selfless service?

  • Recognizing that the external conditions in life will not always be smooth and that internally, your own minds and emotions will sometimes get challenged by negativity, do you pledge to see all these circumstances as opportunities to grow, to open your hearts, to accept yourselves, and each other? Do you pledge to be real, in all situations?

  • When it comes time to part, do you pledge to reflect on your time together with thankfulness for the ways in which you have grown, acceptance that all things are temporary and empty of inherent satisfaction, and joy that you met and shared what you have? Do you pledge to cultivate gratitude for the boundless gifts you have received?

  • Do you pledge to preserve and enrich your affection for each other, and to share it with all beings? To take the loving feelings you have for one another and your vision of each other's potential and inner beauty as an example, and rather than spiraling inwards and becoming self absorbed, to radiate this love outwards to all beings? Do you pledge to expand your family to include all living beings?

We came up with these vows (in bold), rather spontaneously, the night we decided to get married. Some of the elaborate verbage was based on Lama Thubten Yeshe's wedding prayer in 1979. Since posting these vows online, many unknown friends from around the globe have joined in the spirit of these principles in a myriad of ways. Both Guri and I feel honored to be a small part of such blessed unions.

[ Related links: My Honeymoon Story, Real Security, Belated Wedding Offering ]


Comments ...


   
1.
On Jul 13, 2004 Denise wrote:

Your vows were beautiful, and lessons that everyone should live by.
=) Denise


   
2.
On Jul 13, 2004 sandhya sood wrote:

profound vows, radiate in their purity and simplicity.


   
3.
On Aug 03, 2004 shilpa wrote:

hi was delighted to hear that you two had tied the knot. your vows deeply resonated with me. i hope you wont mind me stealing them for when i do the deed.
much love,
shilpa


   
4.
On Aug 05, 2004 joveen wrote:

Came as a surprise guys. Congrat and all the best for the wonderful years ahead.

Joveen


   
5.
On Aug 06, 2004 Liz wrote:

Wow! That's very exciting! Congratulations to two amazing people.



   
6.
On Aug 17, 2004 Sheetal wrote:

Wow, I just read this! It really touched me.
Best Wishes and Congratulations!
The vows are absolutely beautiful. They're a reflection of a wonderful relationship. I hope I can ask for permission to use them whenever I may find my life partner. In the meantime, they're perfect examples for all of us to live by from day to day!
Thanks for sharing!
All the BEST to you both! :)
Sheetal


   
7.
On Oct 06, 2004 Anu Kiran and Prabha wrote:

Congratulations and Best Wishes always and forever! Long life, lots of love, & happy and healthy moments for both of you!


   
8.
On Nov 13, 2004 Maura Santangelo wrote:

Very inspiring, but of course, you already know that

Maura


   
9.
On Apr 27, 2005 Ruby wrote:

These are great! Thank you for sharing them.


   
10.
On Jul 19, 2005 Bhagwan Mirchandani wrote:

Dear Nipun,
What a surprise I got today. I learnt that you married last year. CONGRATULATIONS!. I found out by chance about your wedding and beautiful vows.
How INSPIRING!.
You are GREAT!
All the best to you and your wife.
Sincerely,
Bhagwan


   
11.
On Aug 04, 2005 Narayan&Disha wrote:

Very inspiring and touching. We loved your thoughts, and we will do something similar for our wedding. Best wishes to you two wonderful humans.


   
12.
On Sep 28, 2005 Doug&Katya wrote:

Beautiful! Very similar to our Zen Buddhist Wedding!


   
13.
On Oct 25, 2005 Lila wrote:

Wow great vows, Nipun and Guri. In Boston MA, we're getting married in a couple of weeks (David and Lila) and have been trying to think of how to express some of these internal and profound kinds of things we want to say to one another. May we borrow some words, and use others as a springboard? If you don't answer I'll assume it's okay. Hope marriage and life are good for you both and that whatever merits and blessings we receive from these beautiful intentions are shared with you and all beings...

Lila


   
14.
On Oct 26, 2005 Nipun wrote:

Lila et al,

Since we posted these vows online, many unknown friends from around the globe have joined in the spirit of these principles in a myriad of ways. Both Guri and I feel honored to be a small part of such unions.

Please feel free to use these vows in any way you see useful. Incidentally, we came up with these vows, rather spontaneously, the night we decided to get married. And we penned it down at 3AM hour before the 9:15AM wedding ceremony. :)


   
15.
On Jan 01, 2006 Lisa wrote:

I am inspired by your life's journey! I am an author and Soul Blazer. I have traveled the world talking to children. I also have a monthly newsletter which you can access by going to my website's home page: www.lisahaisha.com and look under NEWSLETTER ARCHIVES. I would very much like to interview you for the February issue. You can learn more about my traveling journey by going to:
www.whispersfromchildrenshearts.com

Thank you for being such a beautiful being. I would be honored to share you with my readers which is now pushing 4000 internationally.

Expect Miracles,

Lisa Haisha
310-689-8730


   
16.
On Jan 22, 2006 Kris wrote:

Thank you Nipun and Guri for putting life into such beautiful words!

Love and Light
Kris


   
17.
On Apr 10, 2006 Bindhu wrote:

Thank you nipun and guri for making me understand the meaning of life.

Great!!!


   
18.
On May 23, 2006 anonymous wrote:

Thanks for making your vows public, I mean, sharing them. They are very nice.
I hope this kind of ceremony helps those among us
who prefer vows to tradition/rituals...
good luck!


   
19.
On Jun 20, 2006 dhruba wrote:

All my good wishes to both of you, for your vows. Hope both of you receive all the strength, support and good wishes of the world for persuing your vows and let others also follow for a beutiful world.


   
20.
On Jun 23, 2006 Rita Nelson wrote:

Thank you so much for posting these vows!! Very helpful.


   
21.
On Jul 17, 2006 alastair wrote:

Can you describe how you got married?


   
22.
On Jul 26, 2006 Michelle wrote:

I was looking for "different vows" for my upcoming marriage when I came across yours. Your vows are beautiful and truly unique. I would like to ask permission to use a variation for my ceremony.

Thank you
Michelle


   
23.
On Jul 26, 2006 Nipun wrote:

Dear Michelle,

Congratulations on your marriage! We would be honored if you used our vows and, in some small way, made us a part of your dharmic union.

With best wishes,

Nipun (and Guri)


   
24.
On Aug 05, 2006 Emily wrote:


Wow,
These vowls are beautiful i hope you have many great years ahead,
Emily


   
25.
On Aug 28, 2006 soumya wrote:


i thank god that people like you exist :)

and i thank God for having led me to this site and to your lives (in however small a way)

i have to write about you both on my blog. i really hope you don't mind. please let me know if i shouldn't, i shall remove the post immediately.

thank you so much..



   
26.
On Sep 03, 2006 autogato wrote:

Your vows are inspiring and wonderful. How great that you invested yourself into the creation of such an important thing: your vows. You inspire me, should I ever decide to take the plunge.


   
27.
On Dec 01, 2006 Anne-Marie wrote:

We should all follow your example to last us a life long dedicated relationship


   
28.
On Jan 19, 2007 Cheryl Eichstaedt wrote:

Wow! These wedding vows are incredible. Of course many of us try to understand others and to be good people, but these vows really help to illuminate the way. Cheryl Eichstaedt


   
29.
On Feb 01, 2007 shenjiaqing wrote:

Very touching vows!
Thanks for sharing them.


   
30.
On Feb 06, 2007 kate wrote:

Howdy it's 2007 and I am not sure if you read these responses anymore....

I was just doing some research on wedding ceremonies and came across your website here immediately after reading the vows on the following website describing the teachings of Lama Thubten Yeshe (which are similar in spirit and language to your vows -- perhaps that you used them as a guide): http://www.fpmt.org/teachers/zopa/advice/pdf/weddingceremonyeditedkm.pdf

I find your specific language really gorgeous and precise and am looking forward to reading more.

Best wishes,

-Kate


   
31.
On Mar 15, 2007 keina! wrote:

love ur vows! thanks for sharing them. i've been passing them along to all my friends, i think they're perfect guidlines for all types of relationships, not just marriages! i will definitely keep them in mind as i interact /w/ others.



   
32.
On Mar 30, 2007 Deb wrote:

Thank you. I will be seeing my husband for 9 days in May and then not until August and I was looking for a positive way to look at our separating.
You just gave it to me.
Thank you


   
33.
On May 19, 2007 Sanjay M wrote:

thank you Nipun and Guri - we have tried these for a year so far and they have been an invaluable guide.


   
34.
On Jun 14, 2007 Mitu wrote:

So profoundly pure & inspirational. I continue to look up to the both of you in your love & compassion for each other and for all of us.



   
35.
On Jun 14, 2007 Ben wrote:

Hi to u wonderful Nipun & Guri! U guys r proof that life has a purpose. I came across your site while finding the actual meaning of a part of my company slogan..... ensuring true simplicity. Ans now i know what to ask me, what do i know?

P'se, p'se stay beautiful- i predict many many souls out there will find their lives' purpose by your examples.



   
36.
On Aug 01, 2007 Maria wrote:

Thank you for your inspiration!


   
37.
On Sep 17, 2007 Lila Haisha wrote:

Your vows are are so profoundly inspiring. I first read them in 2005, and saved a copy. My husband and I used the framework in our personal vows to each other. Thank you! May you both live an enlightened, prosperous life together. I just shared them with a very dear friend getting married this summer.

Love to you both,
Lila Haisha


   
38.
On Oct 03, 2007 bobby bouchgey wrote:

congrtats! live haplity ever after with your new spouse


   
39.
On Oct 03, 2007 bobby bouchgey wrote:

congrtats! live haplity ever after with your new spouse


   
40.
On Nov 02, 2007 Carmen wrote:

Dear Nipun and Guri,

This is years after you posted this blog, but we too request permission to apply these vows to my our wedding ceremony next year. They are so beautiful, inclusive and realistic! as well as uplifting.

Thank you for sharing.

*Carmen and Jared


   
41.
On Nov 16, 2007 andrea playter wrote:

Hi I too am moved by your vows. This may seem like a silly question but what are the 7 reasons you decided to get married? Are they essentially reflected by the vows?


   
42.
On Feb 15, 2008 Realitytested wrote:

These vows are beautiful and moving and are a fantastic reminder of all that we hold and can easily share in this world. Thanks for posting. I am currently writing my own...


   
43.
On Feb 22, 2008 Bob Reynolds wrote:

Nipun and Guri - what a wonderful, open all-inclusive attitude you have toward all of humanity. We are in fact all brothers and sisters on this planet and your approach to reaching out in being together reinforces that. Best wishes to you both, may you have a rewarding life together.

Bob Reynolds


   
44.
On Mar 17, 2008 Ganoba wrote:

These vows are quite universal and can be used by any set of people wishing to share life.
Please treat me as included in the set you have created.
Emotionally and spiritually I am already a part of these.
Ganoba


   
45.
On May 22, 2008 Jane wrote:

Please send me copy of the vows


   
46.
On Jun 11, 2008 Ratnesh N Agrawal wrote:

Nipun and Guri,
Namastey from Ratnesh and family.
There is one saying in Gujarat
"HU MANAVI MANAS THAU TO GHANU"

You proved above line. Thanks for showing me new way of living life...


   
47.
On Jul 21, 2008 vijay ashar wrote:

Dear Nipun and Guri, the only thing i will say in all humility and admiration is that both of you are a precious gift of God to humanity, both individually and as the unique team of kindred souls. My only regret is that you were nowhere within my sight or reach when i was struggling to save my turbulent marriage. Else, with your inspiring example and guidance, perhaps i could have transformed my marriage into an exciting adventure of spiritual journey. May your shining example become a beacon light to numerous aspiring newly wed couples!
vijay


   
48.
On Jul 23, 2008 Troy wrote:

Dear Nipun and Guri - You guys are beautiful. I found your blog when searching for wedding vows. They are the most beautiful vows ever!!! Thanks for sharing your journey and I wish you much good kharma, joy, peace and love throughout your lives :) -Troy


   
49.
On Aug 21, 2008 Pancho Ramos Stierle wrote:

Yes I do. BAAM! ;-)

Thanks for sharing your ONE-derful story with us, hermana Guri y hermano Nipun.

The feminine divine and the masculine divine in balance.

An excerpt of an old email (I wrote it after reading "The Great Turning") which resonates with your inspiring perspective:

"Imperialism is the hierarchical ordering of human relationships based on the principles of domination. The mentality of the imperialism embraces material excess for the ruling classes, honors the dominator power of death and violence, denies the feminine principle, and suppresses realization of the potentials of human maturity.

Earth Community is the egalitarian democratic ordering of relationships based on the principle of partnership. The mentality of the Earth Community embraces material sufficiency for everyone, honors the generative power of life and love, seeks balance of feminine and masculine principles, and nurtures a realization of the mature potential of our human nature.

The imperialism focuses on that which divide us and leads to fear and often violent competition. Our movement focuses on that which unites us and leads us to trust and cooperation."

Thanks again citizens of the World, you will always have a small piece of my spirit traveling with you. :-)

If you want to be a rebel, be kind. Human-kind, be both.

Pancho


   
50.
On Apr 07, 2009 Helen D wrote:

I recently came across your story and found very valuable information. Keep it up!

Thank you.


   
51.
On Apr 14, 2009 ROSER wrote:

Send Gifts to Srilanka, Flowers to Srilanka, Cakes and Chocolates to Sri Lanka and Colombo.
http://www.lankaflorist.com


   
52.
On Jun 13, 2009 Anna Zumwalt wrote:

Thank you for sharing your beautiful vows. There is now a tradition following Lama Thubten Yeshe's wedding prayer through your wedding vows. We are all connected. Thank you for connecting us so openly and with such heart!


   
53.
On Jun 15, 2009 Ketan Mehta wrote:

They are profound!!

I have been looking for reasons to marry and i guess after reading all of these now, I will try to associate them with me before i get married.

Wish you a happy life ahead.


   
54.
On Jul 02, 2009 Parth Savla wrote:

Profound in their simplicity and powerful in their ability to create and sustain a bond. Committed to service and your own creative unfolding process. It is indeed a blessing to have a partner you can share that journey with-authenticly and so richly.

An inspiration to all couples and individuals.



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