Gift of Presence
Posted on December 24, 2004 in events.
Best gifts are unplanned. And they are usually not bought at Macy's either.
In early December, when I returned from eight days of meditation, I found out that I missed Mark Peters' birthday. Almost spontaneously, I wrote him this note:
Imagine 4:30AM, Yosemite hills, starlit skies, cold weather. Like one of the eight days of this meditation camp, this day also you'll sit 12 hours a day (most of it as motionless as you are able), be fully silent, and go deep down inside to places that aren't on the ego map.
I walk upto the meditation hall, take off my jacket and shoes outside the door, and sit down on my square, assigned mat. At that time, I had no idea that my seat #29 was assigned 29 days before my 29th birthday. Instead it was: another hard day of work, to pay off unpaid debts of selfishness and greed. Bring it on, I'm ready. While composure and balance are recommended, I'm reminded of my doppelganger, Paul, :) and those pump-fisting tennis days where every challenge is worthy of my fullest grit.
At 5:30AM, we hear a tape of Goenka chanting. Considering that I'm not-yet-33% in Pali, I catch a few words here and there and enjoy the vibration of the low pitched sound. Except for the end, where I actually understand what he says -- 'may all beings in all ten directions, in all the planes of existence, may every particle in the entire cosmos, awaken in dharma. May all beings be happy.' Every single day, I would start crying as soon as I heard that (compassion and sports movies are all it takes to make a grown man cry in the Kala Yuga :)).
Many times after that chant, I would naturally bow to all the blessings that continue to pave my way out of ignorance. You, bro, are right there. While we barely know each other as a solid Cedar Rapidian and a indefatigable tennis wanna-be, I've always recognized our deep dharma connection that would make any Bavarchi and Munnabhai proud. And then some. Thank you. No, seriously, thank you. And serve. :)
For me, the eight days of meditation camp was intense. It can be whatever you want it to be; and I wanted to put it all on the line, like never before -- wake up every morning, don't miss a single sit, never look at the clock and stay focused internally. To keep smiling at the realization of your light-weight-ness and to keep dancing with the eternal contradictions that keep us alive is to know that you're on the path. And I think I was, for some brief period in our eternal journeys.
When we came home this afternoon, my parents caught us up on everything. My mom told us about Wednesday, and about a little birdie that informed her about the momentous occassion of Dec 10th! It's a good thing I wasn't there in person but I heard my parents lived up to the Mehta reputation. ;)
Happy Birthday, bro.
On this day, I dedicate all the merit -- however much that is :) -- from my meditation camp to your journey. May you have always have boundless merit at your disposal and the wisdom to use it skilfully. (I would do a public declaration and ceremony but ... :))
Indefatigably, your partner in service,
Nipun